Fostering Resilience Through Grief

Jeanette White, Allender Center, infertility and miscarriage

Is it possible to foster resiliency in the direct aftermath of the pain and grief of infertility and miscarriage? Jeanette White has allowed her experiences to help her grow in areas she never imagined. She now reaches out to others to offer support. Listen to find out why she recommends the Memory Resolution Technique.


Fostering Resiliency in the Aftermath of Infertility and Miscarriage

Highlights from the interview:
  • Resiliency is not just about the ability to recover quickly and move on from something, it is about what we do with the impact that a difficult circumstance has had on our life and the way it has changed us. We never fully spring back into the shape we were prior to trauma.
  • Jeanette’s personal journey with resiliency which has been deeply linked to making it through traumatic grief and loss in the realm of infertility and miscarriage
  • I have found to be two phases of resilience: The first stage is about how to foster resilience in the direct aftermath of loss and grief, the second stage is action as resilience. 
  • Letting people in/avoiding isolation (share what you’re going through with trusted person/people). Make the choice to reach out and accept others help.
  • Allowing the wave of emotions to come and go as they need to (don’t shut down). It’s OK to let this well up and impact me.
  • Journaling/free writing; reference study by Pennebaker on the impact on emotional resiliency
  • The Memory Resolution Technique (a quick description of this essential-oil based self-guided technique and how it’s been helpful to me)
  • Action in relation to the difficulty as a movement toward resiliency
  • What this has looked like for Jeanette in three ways:
    • Awareness/sensitivity to others
    • Being available to meet with others going through the same struggles
    • Stretching beyond her comfort zone and beginning to speak about her story and the impact of grief

Listen to the episode for the full story.



Lifestory Writing




Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. Jeanette talked about letting people in as one of the steps to resilience. That is actually a huge step to being a more resilient person. Bigger than it sounds. Have you ever been in a situation where someone offered help and your very first answer is No Thank You. Even before you thought about it. Then later you struggle alone. That is so hard for many of us. Often, it’s for one of three reasons:

  1. We want to be the person who “has it all together” and accepting help is seen (in our screwed up minds) as a sign of weakness. By accepting help we admit that we are vulnerable.
  2. Part of being vulnerable is risking community. We have become such an individualistic society that being a giving and receiving part of a community is almost a foreign concept. Oh, we can talk community, but to actually live it out in real life is a very vulnerable, yet strong, thing to do.
  3. We risk people failing us, again. And again. Perhaps they won’t say just the right thing, or they will give us advice we don’t really want. It’s inevitable, really. People do fail us and we should expect that to happen.

However, if we do let people in, become vulnerable, accept help in our times of weakness, we actually see ourselves become stronger and discover the benefits of fellowship like we have never experienced before. We are social beings made for connection. So next time someone offers help, stop before you decline, and consider saying yes.


That’s all we have for today. That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Rachael Clinton shared her thoughts on tending to heartbreak – so if your heart has ever longed to be tended to, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview Peter Shankman whose brain runs faster than normal. He shares his insight into why the ADHD brain is a gift, so stay tuned for that.


I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and just about anywhere you can hold a great virtual conversation. Plus, I answer all my emails personally, so feel free to email me: stacy{at}stacybrookman{dot}com.

100 Most Important Memoirs of the Past 200 Years

This week’s memoir is: Pearl Buck’s The Child Who Never Grew

This candid memoir of Buck’s relationship with her oldest daughter who was born with a rare type of mental retardation. A forerunner of its kind, the memoir helped demolish the cruel taboos surrounding learning disabilities. Buck describes life with her daughter and how she learned respect and reverence for every human mind. Brave and touching, The Child Who Never Grew is a heartrending memoir of parenting. Check out The Child Who Never Grew and all the memoirs on this list at

blankClick on the graphic to learn about this memoir and all of the most important memoirs of the past 200 years…


Program Director of the Allender Center, Jeanette WhiteAbout: Jeanette White

Jeanette is originally from Oregon and now resides in Seattle, Washington. She is the Program Director for The Allender Center at The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. She graduated from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology in 2010 with an M.A. in Christian Studies. She has been using oils since 2014.



Jeanette’s Allender Center interview on Grief, Emotions, and Essential Oils


Why write a life story you never want to publish


Write of Your Life, Life Story, Memoir


Also published on Medium.

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